Forgiveness has the power to truly set us free
Take a closer look at the word Forgiveness. Notice the word right in the middle, you can break it down into its parts: For-give-ness or for-given-ess. The revelation staring us right in the face here, is the fact that you can only give forgiveness, it can only be given and can never be taken. No one can take your forgiveness from you. No one can force you to forgive. Therein lies the power of forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t so much a release, or a get out of jail free card for the perpetrator. It is however, true freedom for the victim. When we forgive somebody we effectively set ourselves free. That’s the power of forgiveness.
Free from the hurt, free from the anger and free from the psychological, emotional and spiritual control that the situation, offence, abuse or affliction has held over us.
Forgiveness doesn’t let them off the hook
To forgive someone doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to trust them again. Trust and forgiveness are two completely seperate things. Forgiveness is given, trust is earned. Forgiveness doesn’t let them off the hook. They will still have to give account for what they’ve done, either in this life or in the next.
Forgiveness doesn’t set the perpetrator free. In many cases they have no idea that you’ve even forgiven them. Forgiveness does however set you free. It releases your heart from the strangle hold of the offence. It limits the damage from going deeper, preventing the hurt from developing into bitterness and in turn hardening your heart.
Keep your heart with all diligence,
— Proverbs 4:23 NKJV
For out of it spring the issues of life.
Above all else we need to protect our heart, it’s like an inner child, the innocence within us that loves unconditionally. We protect this most vulnerable part of ourselves by consciously guarding it. Not that we should take it so far as to become guarded people, with our defensive walls up all the time.
Unfortunately, so many people, once damaged, retreat to a defensive posture and transform themselves to become like fortified castles, never to let anyone else in ever again. Rather, we are better served, to once again learn to trust people. Only this time, we need to do so according to their character, and not just by the words they speak or how widely they can smile.
“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.
A man’s character is the measure of a man
We must learn to measure people for their trustworthiness, by their character alone. It’s the only reliable method by which we can ascertain their moral fibre, their honesty, their integrity, their dependability and uprightness. To depend on them or to trust them based on anything else, is setting ourselves up for a fall, for more abuse, for heartache, and for devastation that we could do better without.
We need to remember that forgiveness is seperate from trust. Although this may be true, most of us have allowed the two to become deeply intertwined within our psyche. We need to learn to seperate them again, if we ever hope to enjoy the full freedom that effective forgiveness brings.
Trust must be earned
Just because you’ve forgiven someone, doesn’t mean you have to automatically trust them again. In fact you’d be foolish to do so. They need to earn your trust. And as we all know only too well. It can take a lifetime to earn trust and only seconds to destroy it.
When we first meet someone, we have to give them the benefit of the doubt. We’re compelled to trust them enough, to let them in far enough, that we have the opportunity to measure their character. Look for character flaws like gossip. If they gossip to you about someone else, then you can bet your bottom dollar, they will gossip about you as well. So don’t trust them with your personal secrets.
Are they hot tempered or pushy? If they are, then don’t give them your submissiveness or obedience, as they will soon walk all over you. Give them an inch and they will take a mile. Are they willing to lie to you about something small? Then they will lie to you when it really matters about the most devastating things. Will they borrow or steal the small things from you that they never repay? Then they will take everything from you and leave you destitute with nothing.
Only trust people in the areas where their character confirms that they are trustworthy. If they lack the character needed for you to trust them, then forgive them and move on.
Forgiveness is a Decision
Forgiving someone starts with a choice to do so. Try speaking your decision out loud… “I forgive ______ for what they did/said to me”. When you first say it, it will seem like you’re telling a lie. You’ll most likely feel nothing. Just coldness in your heart towards them. Say it again. You might not feel much happen at first. But believe me the release is coming. Your words are like deep cracks forming in a mighty dam. Say it again! Every time you think of them, or every time you think of the offence or the hurt. Keep on saying it and eventually that dam will break and out of your heart will flow a massive release, that truly will set you free!
For further reading on forgiveness and how you can find genuine freedom through it, take a look at “Do Yourself A Favor… Forgive” by Joyce Meyer. If it’s your first audiobook, you can download it for free on Amazon. It’s well worth the listen.
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